


Keep On Fighting Together

by Cathalinaheart



Category: Marvel 616
Genre: Avengers Vol. 8 (2018), Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Secret Empire (Marvel), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony angsting over his soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-10-25 06:24:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20719574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cathalinaheart/pseuds/Cathalinaheart
Summary: After a mission gone wrong Tony goes to comfort Steve.





	Keep On Fighting Together

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sheron](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheron/gifts).

> This is set at some vague point before War of the Realms. The Avengers are at Avengers Mountain, Tony is questioning the state of his soul and Steve is still upset over Hydra!Cap.
> 
> Thank you to the_casual_cheesecake and Imperium for cheering me on and helping me finish this on time.

Tony was walking up and down in front of his bed in Avengers Mountain. He should probably go check on Steve, right? After the unmitigated disaster that had been their latest mission he probably needed cheering up.

Tony remembered how they used to comfort each other after bad missions in the library of the mansion. It felt like an eternity had passed since then. At times it had seemed like Tony had managed to irreparably damage their relationship. But during the last few weeks it had seemed like they were finally back on track.

Still, Steve would probably not welcome his efforts of trying to cheer him up. Hell, even if he did, considering the mental status Tony was in, he would most likely only make things worse. Then again, they were both struggling with their identities at the moment. The whole business of having a Hydra version of you try and take over the country couldn’t have been pleasant.

If Tony was honest with himself he wanted the comfort of Steve’s presence just as much as he wanted to help him. Deciding to be selfish Tony made the short trip to Steve’s quarters. He walked in without bothering to knock.

Steve was lying on his bed, still in full Captain America uniform, and staring holes in the ceiling. He didn’t react to Tony barging in.

The sight of Steve looking so completely empty scared Tony. Time for some patented Stark charm. He flopped down at the end of the bed.

‘These beds aren’t comfortable, remind me to fly in a new one for me’

At this point Steve would comment how the beds were perfectly fine and there hadn’t been any time to fit the base with much more than the bare necessities and that flying in a bed was over the top. But there was still no reaction. If it weren’t for the slight rise and fall of Steve’s chest, Tony would have worried that Steve had actually died.

‘Do you want me to fly in a new one for you, too? I’m surprised the frame hasn’t given out under all these supersoldier muscles you’re carrying around’, Tony tried again. Still not a single sign of acknowledgment.

Tony sighed. ‘Yeah, that was probably inappropriate given the circumstances. I just wanted to check up on you’. Carefully Tony rested his hand on Steve’s leg in an effort to provide comfort.

That was what finally got a reaction from Steve. He immediately withdrew his leg and curled up on his side in a fetal position facing away from Tony.

Yeah, going to check on Steve had obviously been a bad idea.

‘It’s okay, I get it. You don’t want to talk.’ Tony got up from the bed. ‘Just. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.’ It took some effort to keep his voice from breaking.

With one last look at Steve, Tony turned around to leave the room. Before he could move though, a hand suddenly gripped his wrist. Steve was staring up at him with wide eyes that were full of pain. Tony couldn’t remember if he had ever seen Steve this defeated.

‘Do you want me to stay?’ he asked carefully.

Steve swallowed and gave a slight nod. Being alone with your thoughts after a mission that bad wasn’t a good thing, Tony knew from too much experience. He settled back down next to Steve, who released the iron grip he had on Tony’s wrist. Tony fought the urge to rub at the spot. Making Steve think he hurt him by not controlling his strength would certainly make things worse.

If there is one thing that Tony Stark was bad at it was staying silent and still for any extended period of time. Especially with the amount of tension that was currently hanging in the room. So is it really any wonder that, in order to break the awkward silence, he blurted out: ‘So, I don’t think I have a soul’.

He immediately wished he could take the words back. Even though he believed this to be true, the thought that Steve might actually agree with him was too much. It made it real in a way he didn’t know how to deal with.

‘What? Why?’ At least Steve had finally started talking again. And he wasn’t just blindly agreeing that Tony didn’t have a soul, which showed how far they had come. There used to be a time were Steve probably wouldn’t have hesitated to question the existence of Tony’s soul.

Tony swallowed. ‘Do you really need to ask? I have been completely remade. There is nothing left of the original Tony Stark. I am nothing more than a soulless copy.’

‘That’s bullshit,’ Steve replied sitting up and looking at Tony with eyes that no longer seemed dead. Apparently Tony’s confession had distracted him for the moment. ‘Why would you think that now of all times? You’ve been an Avenger even longer than me. We both know that dying and coming back in new bodies is frighteningly common. Hell, everyone has been remade by Franklin, twice. Do you think none of them have a soul? Do you think I don’t have a soul anymore?’ Steve’s face darkened for a moment.

‘You’re not him’, Tony tried to reassure Steve, guessing that the reason for his insecurity was his Nazi doppelgänger. It also conveniently allowed him to ignore the rest of what Steve said. Sure, he had never before believed he had lost his soul, but looking back at some of the things he had done, it was hard not to wonder whether that was really the case. Maybe he hasn’t truly been Tony Stark in a very long time.

‘But am I still me?’ Steve asked, getting more agitated. ‘He took my body. I got a brand new one. Where does that leave me? Even the public still thinks of me as him. You know what happened today. People are dead because of me. Some of them were children. And.. And when I tried to help them, after… They flinched away from me. They thought I was going to kill them, they were so scared.’ Steve quickly wiped away a single tear that had escaped his eye.

Tony didn’t actually know what exactly had happened, because Steve had skipped the debrief, but he was sure he had it mostly figured out at this point, through what he had heard over the comms and the accounts of the others. Steve had ordered one of the teachers to take all the kids to the classroom that was the farthest away from the fight going on outside of the school. There had once been a time where no single American (with the exception of the supervillains) would defy an order by Captain America himself. But after the Supreme Leader debacle, things had changed. The teacher had shouted at Steve that he didn’t need to listen to scum like him and that he refused to be sitting ducks with the children. At this point T’Challa had called for Steve to support them outside. But before Steve had made his way outside, the fight had caused the hallway that the teacher and children were in to collapse.

Later, they had pulled the body of the teacher and three of the kids out from under the rubble. All the surviving kids had varying degrees of injuries. And it seemed like they had rejected help from Steve. He had called Thor over to try and save as many as possible, while he himself had joined the fight again. Tony had wondered why Steve himself hadn’t stayed. He knew the cutting feeling that came with your help being refused, just because of who you are, well.

‘This isn’t your fault, Winghead. You are not responsible for the choices other people make.’ Not that that had ever stopped Tony from feeling guilty.

'How can I not be?! I'm the reason he made this choice. He couldn't trust me after what had happened. How can I help people that don't want me to help because they lack faith?'

'You do the only thing you can do. You move on. You can't change the past. There is no point dwelling on it. But you choose what you do next. And you're a good man, Steve. The public will come around soon enough. They always do.'

‘You are such a hypocrite! Why do you never apply the same standards to yourself? If I am not responsible, than why do you think that everything is always your fault and you're the one who has to fix it?'

'Because it is different! You didn't actually do any of the terrible things! But I did! I am guilty!'

‘I nearly killed you! How does that make me innocent?!’ Steve nearly shouted.

‘Well, I did kill you,’ Tony answered quietly, avoiding Steve’s eyes.

‘You didn’t. You are not responsible for that’

‘But I am!’

‘Why?’

‘You were there because of me. Because of the things that I did,’ answered Tony voice getting quieter towards the end.

‘You don’t even remember what you did!’ burst Steve out. ‘Why do you always think you know better? Decide for other people?’

‘Because I know what will happen, I’m a futurist.’

‘You don’t have that right.’Steve crossed his arms in front of his chest. ‘You keep meddling with my brain. Mentallo, the Illuminati… You don’t get to decide.’

‘I was trying to protect you and the people I am responsible for!’ Tony surprised himself that he was able to meet Steve’s hard gaze.

‘You needed to fucking to talk to me! And not just decide on your own. You were not the only one affected!’

Huffing Tony stood up, towering over Steve. ‘Well, you needed to fucking listen to what I say! You are so set in your ways that you have your mind made up before I even get to say anything!’

‘I listen.’

‘No, you don’t. You have it all already worked out in your head and no one can change your mind.’

‘At least I know what I stand for, have the courage to stand up for that. You just run and hide once things get hard. You basically committed elaborate suicide to not have to deal with the fallout from the war.’

‘I was trying to stop Osborn from getting his hands on the database!’ Why did every good thing Tony tried to do get twisted?

‘Yeah, real convenient you ended up not remembering anything else about the war either’

‘Not by choice’

‘How do you even know? You don’t remember!’

‘Because I don’t see why I would let myself have this big blind spot when there would have been another way.’ Tony hated not having those memories, it left him stumbling around in the dark, made him feel stupid. On the other hand, there were some things that he didn’t mind not recalling first hand.

‘Maybe…’, Steve left the sentence hanging. The fight seemed to drain out of him, his shoulders relaxed a little.

‘What?’

‘I talked to Carol and maybe…’ Steve seemed unsure if he wanted to continue. ‘You really weren’t dealing well with my death’

Tony froze.

‘What did you expect? That I would be happy about it?’ That thought made Tony shudder. No matter what he could never be happy about that. ’God, Steve, have we both really fucked up that much that you would think that?’

‘No, not happy I guess, just… Why did you care that much?’

And wasn’t that the billion dollar question. Tony knew the answer, but he wasn’t willing to share the whole truth with Steve. 

‘Why wouldn’t I? We were best friends.’ Thinking about them in the past hurt, so Tony continued: ‘You mean a hell of a lot to me.’

The room filled with silence for a moment. Both men had calmed down. Nostalgia was a powerful thing and Tony was longing for easier times. He suspected Steve might be, too.

‘When did we stop trying?’ Tony asked. ‘We used to be so good together.’

‘I don’t even know.’ Steve sounded resigned. ‘I’d like to think we never stopped. We’re just not very good at it sometimes’

‘That’s an understatement.’ Tony gave a careful smile and sat back down on the bed.

‘For what it's worth, I really do think you still have a soul Tony. Otherwise there would be very few people with one left. And I refuse to believe that Nazi scum is running around with my soul.’

‘I guess. It’s just, after all that happened, finding out that I am adopted, I just don’t really know who I am anymore.’

‘You are Tony Stark. Genius, inventor, Avenger. That’s not something that can be taken away from you.’

Tony sighed. ‘You’re right. But knowing something and actually believing it...they’re not always the same thing.’

‘I’ll be here to remind you every day if you promise to do the same for me.’

‘Remind you that you are not responsible for  _ him _ ? I can do that.’ Tony paused for a moment. ‘Does this mean we are actually going to keep talking?’

‘I would hope so.’ Steve suppressed a yawn. The whole day had drained his energy reserves. ‘Things have always been best when the two of us were at each other’s side.’

‘Yeah. - I am sorry, you must be tired, I’ll leave’

‘No, stay’ came the quick reply. Tony was sure he wasn’t imagining the slight blush on Steve’s face. ‘Uh, I mean, if you want to of course. I missed you’

Tony tried his best to keep his voice steady when answering ‘Me too, big guy. I guess I can stay.’

‘I just need to change into something more comfortable first. The Captain America suit is not the best to sleep in’

Tony tried his best to avert his eyes while Steve changed into a pair of sweatpants and a T-Shirt. They have seen each other naked more times than Tony could count, but the setting felt too intimate. He was glad he was already wearing comfortable clothing and didn’t need to undress in front of Steve. He’s not sure his brand new heart could survive that.

When Steve sat down on the bed again, he chose to do so closer to Tony than before. Tony could feel the heat radiating off him, now that he wasn’t encased in Kevlar anymore. It was making him sleepy as well.

‘Have you ever noticed that we get more second chances than anyone?’ Tony asked.

‘It makes you think about why, doesn’t it?’ Steve replied. He was starting to lean sideways, as if he was about to fall asleep.

‘Maybe we’re just lucky’

‘Or something out there wants us to keep on fighting together,’ Steve mumbled before lying down completely and falling asleep.

Tony wondered for a moment if he should get up and leave, but that seemed like way too much effort. He lay down next to Steve and closed his eyes, feeling hopeful that maybe this time they would get it right.


End file.
